La vida irreal de Salvador Leal

Archive for septiembre, 2008

Ideas para robar II

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Más ideas geniales para nuestra próxima elección presidencial:

La nota la ví aquí y los resultados de qué café se vende más, los pueden ver en (cuando comiencen a llegar los resultados).

Written by Salvador Leal

septiembre 30th, 2008 at 5:56 pm


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En muchas discusiones he tenido la necesidad de utilizar esta frase y nomás no me ha llegado en ese momento. La escribo aquí para que no se me olvide y la pueda sacar en el momento adecuado:

We look for evidence to reinforce our models.

Written by Salvador Leal

septiembre 25th, 2008 at 5:33 pm

Posted in pointless but true

Obama/Sorkin II

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¿Recuerdan que soy un fan irredento de Aaron Sorkin? Sí, el cuate que escribió ‘A Few Good Men’, ‘Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip» y que va a hacer una película de Facebook.
Bueh, pues para todos los fans del creador de ‘The West Wing’ que leen este blog (¿qué? ¿cómo? ¿que no han visto ‘The West Wing’? PUES QUÉ HACEN PEGADOS A LA COMPUTADORA!?!?! ÓRALE, CÓRRANLE A VER LAS SIETE TEMPORADAS!!!), les tengo un manjar delicioso.

Aaron Sorkin escribió una hipotética conversación entre el Presidente Jed Bartlet y Barack Obama, y la publicó en el New York Times. Y nomás porque soy rete-fan, aquí les va el diálogo para que ni siquiera tengan que ir al sitio del NYT:

BARACK OBAMA knocks on the front door of a 300-year-old New Hampshire farmhouse while his Secret Service detail waits in the driveway. The door opens and OBAMA is standing face to face with former President JED BARTLET.

BARTLET Senator.

OBAMA Mr. President.

BARTLET You seem startled.

OBAMA I didn’t expect you to answer the door yourself.

BARTLET I didn’t expect you to be getting beat by John McCain and a Lancôme rep who thinks “The Flintstones” was based on a true story, so let’s call it even.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET Come on in.

BARTLET leads OBAMA into his study.

BARTLET That was a hell of a convention.

OBAMA Thank you, I was proud of it.

BARTLET I meant the Republicans. The Us versus Them-a-thon. As a Democrat I was surprised to learn that I don’t like small towns, God, people with jobs or America. I’ve been a little out of touch but is there a mandate that the vice president be skilled at field dressing a moose —

OBAMA Look —

BARTLET — and selling Air Force Two on eBay?

OBAMA Joke all you want, Mr. President, but it worked.

BARTLET Imagine my surprise. What can I do for you, kid?

OBAMA I’m interested in your advice.

BARTLET I can’t give it to you.

OBAMA Why not?

BARTLET I’m supporting McCain.


BARTLET He’s promised to eradicate evil and that was always on my “to do” list.


BARTLET And he’s surrounded himself, I think, with the best possible team to get us out of an economic crisis. Why, Sarah Palin just said Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac had “gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.” Can you spot the error in that statement?

OBAMA Yes, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac aren’t funded by taxpayers.

BARTLET Well, at least they are now. Kind of reminds you of the time Bush said that Social Security wasn’t a government program. He was only off by a little — Social Security is the largest government program.

OBAMA I appreciate your sense of humor, sir, but I really could use your advice.

BARTLET Well, it seems to me your problem is a lot like the problem I had twice.

OBAMA Which was?

BARTLET A huge number of Americans thought I thought I was superior to them.



OBAMA I mean, how did you overcome that?

BARTLET I won’t lie to you, being fictional was a big advantage.

OBAMA What do you mean?

BARTLET I’m a fictional president. You’re dreaming right now, Senator.

OBAMA I’m asleep?

BARTLET Yes, and you’re losing a ton of white women.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET I mean tons.

OBAMA I understand.

BARTLET I didn’t even think there were that many white women.

OBAMA I see the numbers, sir. What do they want from me?

BARTLET I’ve been married to a white woman for 40 years and I still don’t know what she wants from me.

OBAMA How did you do it?

BARTLET Well, I say I’m sorry a lot.

OBAMA I don’t mean your marriage, sir. I mean how did you get America on your side?

BARTLET There again, I didn’t have to be president of America, I just had to be president of the people who watched “The West Wing.”

OBAMA That would make it easier.

BARTLET You’d do very well on NBC. Thursday nights in the old “ER” time slot with “30 Rock” as your lead-in, you’d get seven, seven-five in the demo with a 20, 22 share — you’d be selling $450,000 minutes.

OBAMA What the hell does that mean?

BARTLET TV talk. I thought you’d be interested.

OBAMA I’m not. They pivoted off the argument that I was inexperienced to the criticism that I’m — wait for it — the Messiah, who, by the way, was a community organizer. When I speak I try to lead with inspiration and aptitude. How is that a liability?

BARTLET Because the idea of American exceptionalism doesn’t extend to Americans being exceptional. If you excelled academically and are able to casually use 690 SAT words then you might as well have the press shoot video of you giving the finger to the Statue of Liberty while the Dixie Chicks sing the University of the Taliban fight song. The people who want English to be the official language of the United States are uncomfortable with their leaders being fluent in it.

OBAMA You’re saying race doesn’t have anything to do with it?

BARTLET I wouldn’t go that far. Brains made me look arrogant but they make you look uppity. Plus, if you had a black daughter —

OBAMA I have two.

BARTLET — who was 17 and pregnant and unmarried and the father was a teenager hoping to launch a rap career with “Thug Life” inked across his chest, you’d come in fifth behind Bob Barr, Ralph Nader and a ficus.

OBAMA You’re not cheering me up.

BARTLET Is that what you came here for?

OBAMA No, but it wouldn’t kill you.

BARTLET Have you tried doing a two-hour special or a really good Christmas show?


BARTLET Hang on. Home run. Right here. Is there any chance you could get Michelle pregnant before the fall sweeps?

OBAMA The problem is we can’t appear angry. Bush called us the angry left. Did you see anyone in Denver who was angry?

BARTLET Well … let me think. …We went to war against the wrong country, Osama bin Laden just celebrated his seventh anniversary of not being caught either dead or alive, my family’s less safe than it was eight years ago, we’ve lost trillions of dollars, millions of jobs, thousands of lives and we lost an entire city due to bad weather. So, you know … I’m a little angry.

OBAMA What would you do?

BARTLET GET ANGRIER! Call them liars, because that’s what they are. Sarah Palin didn’t say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere. She just said “Thanks.” You were raised by a single mother on food stamps — where does a guy with eight houses who was legacied into Annapolis get off calling you an elitist? And by the way, if you do nothing else, take that word back. Elite is a good word, it means well above average. I’d ask them what their problem is with excellence. While you’re at it, I want the word “patriot” back. McCain can say that the transcendent issue of our time is the spread of Islamic fanaticism or he can choose a running mate who doesn’t know the Bush doctrine from the Monroe Doctrine, but he can’t do both at the same time and call it patriotic. They have to lie — the truth isn’t their friend right now. Get angry. Mock them mercilessly; they’ve earned it. McCain decried agents of intolerance, then chose a running mate who had to ask if she was allowed to ban books from a public library. It’s not bad enough she thinks the planet Earth was created in six days 6,000 years ago complete with a man, a woman and a talking snake, she wants schools to teach the rest of our kids to deny geology, anthropology, archaeology and common sense too? It’s not bad enough she’s forcing her own daughter into a loveless marriage to a teenage hood, she wants the rest of us to guide our daughters in that direction too? It’s not enough that a woman shouldn’t have the right to choose, it should be the law of the land that she has to carry and deliver her rapist’s baby too? I don’t know whether or not Governor Palin has the tenacity of a pit bull, but I know for sure she’s got the qualifications of one. And you’re worried about seeming angry? You could eat their lunch, make them cry and tell their mamas about it and God himself would call it restrained. There are times when you are simply required to be impolite. There are times when condescension is called for!

OBAMA Good to get that off your chest?

BARTLET Am I keeping you from something?

OBAMA Well, it’s not as if I didn’t know all of that and it took you like 20 minutes to say.

BARTLET I know, I have a problem, but admitting it is the first step.

OBAMA What’s the second step?

BARTLET I don’t care.

OBAMA So what about hope? Chuck it for outrage and put-downs?

BARTLET No. You’re elite, you can do both. Four weeks ago you had the best week of your campaign, followed — granted, inexplicably — by the worst week of your campaign. And you’re still in a statistical dead heat. You’re a 47-year-old black man with a foreign-sounding name who went to Harvard and thinks devotion to your country and lapel pins aren’t the same thing and you’re in a statistical tie with a war hero and a Cinemax heroine. To these aged eyes, Senator, that’s what progress looks like. You guys got four debates. Get out of my house and go back to work.

OBAMA Wait, what is it you always used to say? When you hit a bump on the show and your people were down and frustrated? You’d give them a pep talk and then you’d always end it with something. What was it …?

BARTLET “Break’s over.”

Written by Salvador Leal

septiembre 23rd, 2008 at 6:30 pm

Posted in medios,política

21 de septiembre

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(posteado, a propósito, el 22 de septiembre)

– El 21 de septiembre es el Día Mundial del Alzheimer
– ¿Qué?
– Que el 21 de septiembre es el Día Mundial del Alzheimer
– Que el 21 de septiembre, ¿qué?
– Que el 21 de septiembre es el Día Mundial del Alzheimer
– ¿El día mundial de qué?
– Que el 21 de septiembre es el Día Mundial del Alzheimer
– ¿Qué día?
(repítase el chiste hasta que dé risa)

Ayer fue el Día Mundial del Alzheimer. Supongo que el slogan es el mismo que el del Gansito Marinela.

Written by Salvador Leal

septiembre 22nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm

Ideas para robar

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… un día de estos.



Vistas, aquí.

Written by Salvador Leal

septiembre 18th, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Posted in medios,política

Poder escribir

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1. En JFK (Oliver Stone, 1991), una de mis películas favoritas, recuerdo que el personaje del fiscal Jim Garrison (interpretado por ese actor sin sabor que es Kevin Costner) intenta convencer a una bailarina de striptease del bar de Jack Ruby para que testifique acerca de lo que vio hacer a su jefe.
Ella le dice todo lo que sabe, pero cuando la presionan más para que sea testigo en el juicio, la bailarina le dice algo así como: «estos cuates asesinaron al Presidente de los Estados Unidos… ¿usted qué cree que le podrían hacer a una bailarina como yo?»

2. La semana pasada leí en Reporte Índigo que el Presidente y Director General de Grupo Reforma, Alejandro Junco, había decidido salir del país con todo y su familia. ¿La razón? Él mismo lo puso en una carta al Gobernador de Nuevo León:

Estimado Nati:
Sé que te enteraste que mi familia y yo nos hemos cambiado de residencia a Texas.
Estaba en un dilema: comprometer nuestra integridad editorial o cambiar a la familia a un lugar seguro.
Los problemas de inseguridad a eso nos orillaron. Perdimos fe.

Esto es, la cabeza de uno de los grupos editoriales más importantes de nuestro país tuvo que salir del país porque la seguridad de su familia estaba comprometida debido a las cosas que el periódico Reforma ha publicado o publicará. No son los políticos quienes están detrás de él y su familia (con los políticos se lidia de otra forma), sino, seguramente, las mafias y cárteles que se han apoderado del país.

3. Si el Director General y Presidente de Grupo Reforma tuvo que salir con todo y familia del país para asegurar su tranquilidad, ¿qué podemos esperar los que escribimos un blog, que ejercemos el denominado ‘periodismo ciudadano’, o que deseamos que nuestras opiniones sean escuchadas y que escribimos nuestras ideas en internet? ¿qué temas podemos tocar y cuáles no? y, si decidiéramos seguir adelante, ¿quién está para protegernos?

Citando al clásico: «y ahora, ¿quién podrá ayudarnos?»

Written by Salvador Leal

septiembre 17th, 2008 at 10:20 am

Posted in política


with 4 comments

Todos dicen que lo que ocurrió el pasado 15 de septiembre en Morelia es el primer atentado terrorista en la historia de nuestro país. Lo dudo.
¿Alguien recuerda que en 94 estalló una bomba en Plaza Universidad?

Written by Salvador Leal

septiembre 17th, 2008 at 9:54 am

Posted in política

Give You Up

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Obama + McCain + Internet + Rick Ashley =

Lo que más me gusta son, por supuesto, las caras de McCain…

Written by Salvador Leal

septiembre 10th, 2008 at 8:59 am

Posted in política


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Fans de Esquivel!, uníos!!
Hace dos años nos reunimos en el Teatro de la Ciudad para escuchar, dentro del marco del Homenaje Nacional a Juan García Esquivel, a la Waitiki Orchestrotica interpretando muchos de los temas del genio de Tampico. Lo increíble del caso es que las partituras de las canciones de Esquivel! se perdieron hace muchos años y estos cuates lo que hicieron fue reescribirlas nota por nota de acuerdo con las grabaciones existentes. Lo lograron y para muestra, basta un botón… el de play:

Por razones que desconozco la Orchestrotica se presentará el próximo 4 de octubre en Ecatepec (¿por qué Ecatepec?… Misterio). No sé más información, ni cuánto cuestan los boletos, ni en dónde se van a presentar. ¡Vaya, no sé ni dónde queda Ecatepec! Lo único que he podido averiguar es que forman parte del «Festival Internacional de Ecatepec», whateverthatmeans.

Recomiendo el evento porque los cuates son muy, muy, muy, MUY buenos. Y el tipo que los dirige (Mr. Ho/Brian O’Neill) se ve que es de esas personas versátiles con las que me gustaría tomar un café, volvernos cuates e intercambiar rolas.

Anótenlo bien: sábado 4 de octubre, en ECATEPEEEEEECCCCCC (voz de sonidero)

Written by Salvador Leal

septiembre 9th, 2008 at 2:01 pm

Posted in música


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Alguien en internet hizo una pregunta inocente. Supón que matas a alguien y tienes que deshacerte del cuerpo. ¿Cómo le haces? El problema de hacer preguntas inocentes (o necias) en internet, es que corres el peligro de que alguien, que parece tener mucha experiencia, te responda:

First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don’t reommend that disposal method, I’m just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite.

Assuming you have it inside a house where you can work on it a bit, the first thing you want to do is drain it of fluids. This will make it easier to cut up, and slow decomposition a little bit. The best way to do this quick and dirty is to perforate the body with a pointed knife, and then perform CPR on it. Cut the fronts of the thighs deep, diagonally, to slit the femoral arteries. Then pump the chest. The valves in the heart will still work when dead, and the springback of the ribcage can put apply a fair amount of suction to the artria. Do this in a tub. Plug the drain, and mingle lots of bleach with the bodily fluids before unplugging the drain to empty the tub. This should help control the stench of death, which would otherwise reek from your gutter gratings. Do everything you can to control odors. Plug in an ionizer, burn candles, leave bowls of baking soda everywhere. Ventilate the room in the middle of the night, but otherwise keep it closed. Keep the body under a plastic sheet while it’s in the tub.

If you want to bury, I recommend seperating the body into several parts, and burying them seperately. For one thing, it’s easier to dig a deep enough hole for a head than for an entire body. this reduces your chances of being discovered while you are actually outside and digging the grave.
That is the one thing you can’t do inside the doors of your house, and represents a vulnerable moment you want to keep brief, under 2 hours. Do it between 3 and 5 am. It’s also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an enitre body. They may assume it’s an animal carcass disfigured by decomposition, and leave it alone or dispose of it. It’s also more likely that the dog will consume all of it before anyone knows the difference. A whole skeleton is another story. You can cut a body into 6 pieces faster than you think. It’s not much different than boning a chicken, but it takes more work, a big knife, and time. A hammer will be useful for pulverizing joints or driving the knife deep where it doesn’t want to go. Anyway it’s wise to crush as much of the skeleton as you can along the way. It will aid in making the body less identifiable for what it is as it decomposes.

Don’t return to the same site 6 times for 6 burials.You’ll attract suspicion from anyone nearby, and you’ll wind up placing the body parts close enough together to be found by any serious investigation. Put them in plastic bags with lots of bleach, and store in a freezer until you have enough time to bury them all.

Depending on what tools you have available, you may find that you’re get really good at deconstructing the body. You might prefer to slowly sprinkle it down a drain without leaving your house. This avoids the long-term risk of discovery associated with burial, and the overwhelming supply of bacteria in a sewer accellerates deconomposition, whil e providing a convenient cover smell.

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot more work, and you run the risk of fouling your plumbing and calling in a plumber. So don’t try it unless you know how to clear bones and meat out of a drainpipe. A good food processor can be useful. But don’t over-use it, or power drills or saws. They’re noisy and they attract attention. And forget the kitchen sink. It’s better if you actually remove one of the toilets in your house from its base, which will give you direct access to one of the largest sewer pipes that enters your house. Follow any disposals with lots of bleach and then run the water for 5 or 10 minutes on top of that. And plug that pipe when you’re not using it, to prevent any sewer gasses from backing up into your house. Usually, a U-trap inside the toilet does that for you.

Si lo tuviera, este post estaría en la categoría ‘pointless but scary’.

Written by Salvador Leal

septiembre 5th, 2008 at 9:48 am